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Fun with Couples

PostPosted: Wed Aug 02, 2006 2:41 pm
by Zzzapp
These are from one of the dating sites I am on.

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There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years." "Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together." "I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago. "Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say...should we get naked?" Whereupon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. "You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago." "I wouldn't be surprised," replied her husband. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!

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"You and your husband don't seem to have an awful lot in common," said the new tenant's neighbor. "Why on earth did you get married?"

"I suppose it was the old business of 'opposites attract'," was the reply. "He wasn't pregnant and I was."

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A woman came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman.

With superhuman strength borne of fury, she dragged her husband down the stairs to the garage and put his manhood in a vice. She then secured it tightly and removed the handle.

Next she picked up a hacksaw.

The husband terrified, screamed, "Stop! Stop! You're not going to cut it off are you?"

The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, laid the hacksaw beside the vice and said, "Nope. You are. I'm going to set the garage on fire."

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One Friday afternoon, two secretaries were hanging around the water cooler at the office. "Veronica, I just don't know what to do," Gloria said to her friend at work. "That good-looking Alex in accounting asked me out on a date for Saturday night. Should I go?"

"Oh, my God!" her friend exclaimed. "He'll wine you, dine you, and then use any ruse to get you up to his apartment. Then he'll rip off your dress and you'll have fantastic sex!"

"What should I do?" asked Gloria.

Her friend quickly replied, "Wear an old dress."

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Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.
Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you", says Dolly
To which Daisy says, "It's true, no bull"

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An 80-year-old man went into the confessional and told the priest the following: "Father, I am an 80-year-old man, I'm married, I have four children and eleven grandchildren. Last night I strayed and had an affair with two 19-year-old girls. We partied and made love all night long."

The priest said, "My son, when was the last time you were at confession?"

The old man said, "I have never been to confession. I'm not Catholic."

The priest said, "Then why are you here telling me this?"

The old man said, "Father, I'm telling everyone!"

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A man comes home from work and finds his wife admiring her breasts in the mirror. The husband asks, "What are you doing?"

She replies, "I went to the doctor today, and he told me I have the breasts of a 25-year-old."

The husband retorts, "Well, what did he say about your 50-year-old ass?"

"I'm sorry my dear, but your name never came up," replied the wife.