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flight funnies

PostPosted: Thu Oct 12, 2006 1:34 pm
by Blooddrive
Rules of the Air


1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.
2. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.
3. It's always better to be down on the ground wishing you were up there than being up there wishing you were on the ground.
4. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
5. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky.
6. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' landing is one after which they can use the plane again.
7. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.
8. Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction.
9. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made.
10. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately no one knows what they are.
11. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.
12. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment.
13. It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as possible.
14. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It's the law. And it's not subject to repeal.
15. There are old pilots and there are bold pilots. There are, however, very few old bold pilots.

Some Flying Tips & Observations


Basic Flying Rules: Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there.

Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death… I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing! (Sign over the entrance to the SR-71 operating location, Kadena AFB, Japan.)

You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3. (Paul F. Crickmore - test pilot)

The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe.

When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.

Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another expensive flying club.

What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies. If ATC screws up, the pilot dies.

Never trade luck for skill.

The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are: "Why is it doing that?", "Where are we?" and "Oh ****!"

Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers.

Progress in airline flying - now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant.

Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.

A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a row is prevarication.

I remember when sex was safe and flying was dangerous.

Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries.

Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it.

When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten.

Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on a sunny day.

Advice given to RAF pilots during WWII: When a prang (crash) seems inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity as slowly and gently as possible.

The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world. It can just barely kill you. (Attributed to Max Stanley, Northrop test pilot)

If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the crash as possible. (Bob Hoover - renowned acrobatic and test pilot)

Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you.

There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime. (Sign over squadron operations desk at Davis-Monthan AFB. AZ, 1970.)

The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and, a good bowel movement. The night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities in life where you get to experience all three at the same time. (Author unknown, but someone who's been there.)

If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to.

You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal.

PostPosted: Thu Oct 12, 2006 3:49 pm
by Senoril