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PostPosted: Sat Nov 25, 2006 7:22 pm
by Renanna
I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer serve the states of Georgia, Florida, Virginia, North and South Carolina, Tennessee, Alabama, Mississippi, Texas, and Arkansas on Christmas Eve.
- to the overwhelming current populaiion of the earth, my contract was reiigoiatedby North American Fairies and
Elves Local 209. A partof the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep that in mind. However, rm certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin, BubbaJoe Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between us:
1 There is no danger of the Giinch stealing your presents from BubbaJoe Claus because he has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads, “These toys insured by Smith and Wes son”.
2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubbajoe Claus prefers that children leave an RC Cola and pork rinds (or a moon pieJ on the fireplace. And Bubba Joe Claus doesn’t smoke a pipe. He dips a-little snuff though, so please have an empty spit can handy.
3. Bubba Joe Claus’ sleigh is pulled by floppy.eared, flyint coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and B]itzen’s head now overlooks Bubba Joe Claus’ fireplace.
4. You won’t hear, ‘On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and BUizen’ when Bubba Joe Claus arrives, Instead, you’ll hear, ‘On Eanthardt, Andretti, on Elliott and Petty
5. “Ho, Ho, Ho!” has been replaced by ‘Yec Haw!” You also are likely to hear Bubba Joe Claus’ elves respond, “I her’d dat!”
6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Joe Claus’ sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangie on the back with the words, “Back Off’. 7. The usual Christmas movie dassics such as “Mirade on 34th Street” and ‘It’s a Wonderful life’ will not be shown in you negotiated viewing area. Instead, you’ll see “Boss Hogg Saves Christmas” and” Smokey and the Bandit IV” featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Joe Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other. And Finally,
S. BubbaJoe Claus doesn’t wear a belt.. If I were you, Fd make sure your wife and kid.s turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the tree.
Sincerely youi,
Santa Claus