Stimulus Payments explained

This is the place for all those funny jokes, links, and general tomfoolery! [Public]

Moderator: BatMonk

Stimulus Payments explained

Postby Annissa » Mon Sep 07, 2009 9:19 am

Sometime this year, we taxpayers may again receive an Economic Stimulus payment.

This is a very exciting new program. I will explain it using the Q and A format:

Q. What is an Economic Stimulus payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.

Q.. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

* If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China .
* If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.
* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India .
* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala .
* If you buy a car, it will go to Japan .
* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan .
* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in America by:

1 spending it at yard sales, or
2 going to ball games, or
3 spending it on prostitutes, or
4 beer or
5 tattoos.

(These are the only American businesses still operating in the US .)

***
I'm going to go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that I met at a yard sale, and drink beer.
Image
User avatar
Annissa
 
Posts: 1004
Joined: Sun Oct 05, 2008 6:28 pm
Location: Texas

Re: Stimulus Payments explained

Postby Mindai » Mon Sep 07, 2009 11:07 am

Sad but true for most of that.

Some computers are still made in america though!
Good, bad.. im the chick with the lute.
Mindai
 
Posts: 156
Joined: Tue Mar 14, 2006 9:36 pm

Re: Stimulus Payments explained

Postby Aaidian » Mon Sep 07, 2009 2:03 pm

And Budweiser isnt owned by a US company anymore....but some great micro brews are still USA owned.
Image
Aaidian
Pittsburgh Steelers #1 Fan
 
Posts: 634
Joined: Mon Apr 10, 2006 3:42 am
Location: Longview, Wa


Return to Funnies

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

cron